The Overthinker

I'm having writers block today.

So many things I want to share, but I just don't know how to put them into words onto paper.

If you're looking for an update on the doctor, we had turkey burgers and pasta salad. It was magical.

We spent the weekend together, I was ill.. and he just took it upon himself to take care of me. Which is great, because he's a doctor and he knows things. Lots of things. I used to think I was smart, not anymore... let me tell ya. I feel great, he really did a great job.

All weekend he hung out with me and my family, and he didn't once try to escape. He met my father, which was totally on accident. I didn't want that exchange to happen, but it did and it went very well. My dad called this morning to ask me when he was coming back into town, and if we could all go golfing. That is just a nightmare I never want to live. 

He met my sister and her baby. He just drooled over that child. It was obvious he is really wanting to move into fatherhood quite quickly. He wouldn't put her down, and wanted to help with everything. It was cute and scary all at the same time. 

By the end of the weekend, he said "I think I may be falling in love with you." Which is every woman/girl/young ladies dream from reading all the fake love stories that are put out there for us to gawk at. We end up fighting with our significant others unknowingly because we secretly want them to be the Ryan Gosling of our "Notebook" story. 

What do you think this does to my overly hormonal female brain? I overthink it. I question every move that was made over the weekend. I lay awake at night and wonder what is going to come of this. In my mind, this could be too good to be true.. and now I'm freaking out about it. 

I'm freaking out over the doctor/lawyer guy who took care of me over the weekend while I didn't feel good and took me to church on Sunday. Guys, HE TOOK ME TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY. 

Jamie overthinks everything and ruins her own life. 
JAMIE can't accept the fact that her young life as a single twenty something may be coming to an end, and I may end up the mom lady I never wanted to be. 

I suddenly want to be that mom lady.

I'm overthinking and questioning my rational, because all of a sudden it felt great to think about being the woman with the successful husband, who does yoga and takes her kids to soccer every Saturday. The woman who has dinner on the table waiting for Dr. Smart to come home and hug his children and kiss me, and I get to ask "How was your day, dear?"

My future flashed before my eyes when he uttered those words to me, and you know what I said back? 

"Thank you."

THANK YOU! Who says thank you after something like that? After I LANDED THE GUY EVERYBODY WANTS. After 8 year old Jamie's fantasies came true right before my eyes?

I called him later to discuss in more detail. He immediately picked up the phone and apologized if he freaked me out. Which tells me that my face must have screamed, "RUN AWAY RIGHT NOW." It saddened me, and I told him I was just shocked, but in a good way. And now I just can't stop thinking about it. 

So of course we have a vacation planned next weekend that I'm counting down the seconds to. 

Again, Jamie is ruining her own life. Somehow, I just have to go with it. I also really need to start stocking up on yoga pants and sippy cups.

Dr. and Mrs. Smart?

Okay story time! Don't freak out, haven't made any final decisions on this yet.

There I was - STARBUCKS. Sitting there with my computer working away.

As mentioned previously, I work from home a lot... and I take my computer home with me most days so that I can finish up anything lying around my desk. I'm trying to become manager and keep up on my new work, that I STILL am not comfortable doing. They have a funny way of doing things around here.

Anyway back to Starbucks..

I'm sitting there working and a nice gentleman comes up to me. I won't be mentioning his name since he is a doctor, he likes to maintain his privacy online. Dr. Smart is his last name. No first names :P (Don't worry I've already googled him, it's legit).

He introduces himself and asks to sit down.

I found out he is a practicing physician, he is 30, and he is driving through Colfax from a town where I won't say the name to protect his identity, up to Reno. We got to talking, had some coffee, shared some laughs, and he left me with his phone number.
He would like to take me on a hot air balloon ride through Napa Valley this weekend.

Scary, RIGHT!?  Jamie's scared anyway. I politely declined and asked if he would prefer just wine tasting so I don't have to pee my pants in front of him on a hot air balloon ride..
He agreed, so that's a thing.

The idea of dating a doctor is ironic to me, since I hate them right now with a burning passion in my soul. Of course when I found out he was a doctor I told him ALL about my situation. He agreed with me on that a second opinion sounds great, and that also... there's probably a major lawsuit sitting in front of me if I wanted it.

Thankfully this guy is also wanting to study to be a lawyer (did I hit the jackpot or what?).

Anyway, long story short... I've been writing Dr. and Mrs. Smart in my notebook all day; and dreaming of a better life where I don't work and we have adopted babies from Uganda running around the mansion, while my doctor lawyer husband guy just works to provide me with everything I need to be a Real Housewife of Colfax, CA.

I had to cancel Napa this weekend, due to babysitting duty. I asked if he would like to come over for dinner instead... HE ACCEPTED. I was hoping he would think that was weird and say no.

BUT IF YOU ASK THE PEDIATRICIAN IF HE WOULD LIKE TO COME OUT WITH YOU AND A 13 YEAR OLD, OF COURSE HES NOT AFRAID OF CHILDREN.

I have to learn how to cook something fancy within the next 48 hours in order to make sure that I don't screw this up.

I'm of course terrified. I know how to cook (we know this)! Just knowing my luck, though, I'll burn it... and burn the house down in front of him and make a complete idiot of myself.

That's the latest update.

Love Jay

The Hills Have Eyes!

Okay MAYBE I just couldn't think of what to title this exactly.

For some DUMB reason, every time I make the 30 mile drive up the hill... into the trees... I freaking remember that movie and it ruins it for me. I don't need little demon hill song creatures jumping out at me at night. But you know, that's paranoia for you..and also why I REFUSE to take my little brother to the Annabelle movie.
I swear, I have a doll that looks just like that, and I will not have it ruined for me by a stupid movie where a doll claws your eyes out. I won't do it, I won't.

Life has been busy. Lot's of stuff going on. Stupid stuff I don't think I need to bother you with.

BUT, Olive has learned a new trick.. and it's SUPER annoying.

Last week, I'm laying in bed. It's midnight, so I'm sleeping! All of a sudden I take a paw to the face. Now I'm pissed.

"WHAT!" I yelled. Olive just looks at me. Then she just dives off the bed. Doesn't even use her stairs. Just takes a tumble on the floor and runs out the bedroom door into the kitchen.

I'm just sitting there staring. Wondering why I'm awake, what the meaning of life is, who came up with the concept of black Jesus... you know, normal things. She runs back into the room and jumps on the bed.
She's looking right at me, and she just DIVES off the bed again and runs away.

So I thought, "She wants me to follow her..." I get my lazy ass out of bed and see her sitting in the kitchen.

What happens next? She pushes her water bowl at me.

My dad decided it would be a good idea to feed her a BUNCH of bacon before we went to bed, and she's thirsty. Like anybody would be when they eat an entire pig.

So now, every now and again I get woken up at night because she needs to tell me something. It's just super okay for her to wake me up because she wants a bone, or her favorite toy is stuck under the couch, Timmy fell down the well, or she wants me to call the small mailman named Sam to come play with her.

LIKE I CARE AT 3AM WHAT OLIVE WANTS TO DO. That's been a new thing in our life. The dog has learned to communicate. She's evolving. I don't like it.

Anyway nothing else new. It rained this morning and I was reminded why I live in the scary "Hills Have Eyes" town. It smells AMAZING when it rains.

Fun Fact - I can't get insurance out here on my apartment because the fire danger is REAL. The insurance companies are just like "nope we don't service that area, you're all gonna die in a fire" so I have to just be okay with that.

The End.

A Rough Week

I don't even know where to start!
Per the title, I'm sure you can guess... It's been a rough week.

I got a call last week from my oncologist. At my very last appointment on June 30th, he told me he would be trying to get my original surgery slides looked at to see if my cancer could be re-classed to actually never having cancer at all. I was very excited about that.

I mean, it's August now and I'm just now hearing back. You know how they say "No news is good news!?" That's a lie. Don't listen to that. I've been fooled twice now. They called to let me know that it is within my best interest to have my thyroid completely removed. I do have a very aggressive type of cancer, and in order for them to monitor my cancer markers "properly" they need to remove my thyroid and monitor my TG levels (which are my cancer markers).
They are concerned it has spread.

I'm not sure what to think about that, because they have given me four different prognosis since I've started seeing Dr. Guerrero.
I worry that he doesn't really know what is going on with me at all. He has recommended that I see a doctor in San Francisco that can help me. I'm thinking that getting a second opinion is best for me right now. I have a hard time trusting them.

The next thing that has been going on is Sam is starting school tomorrow. I don't know who starts school on fricken Wednesday, but we're starting school on Wednesday. Joy.

This past weekend I had to take him school shopping; clothes, supplies, the works. He was CRABBY. He didn't like anything, pouted the whole time, cried in the store. This boy is 13.

I finally lost it. I ended up throwing a fit in the store.

We left, with a few items in tow, and went to get Sam's bedding at home so he could spend the night in his new bed at my house.
He apologized to me in the car and it made me laugh so stinkin hard. He goes, "Jamie, I appreciate you taking me to the stores and stuff, but I'm just crabby.. Okay!?" and then fell asleep on the way home. It was so funny to me, and I don't know why. Someone obviously stayed up all night on Xbox.

I got a flat tire on the way home which was just the kicker.

Work has been hard, but I was told that I will be getting promoted to manager. This is an accounting services only firm, and it's hard to come by people with degrees apparently. It makes sense to me, most bookkeepers are just trained. They don't really get a degree.
That's puts me at the top of the food chain here, so welcome to Management. The partner has been away all week, so we will be discussing that further as the time goes on. I'm not a Manager yet, but I'm working on it.

That's been my life. Unpacking, dealing with crabby teens, working late nights, trying to look pretty in the mornings, and letting my dishes pile up.

It's been great.

Love, Jay

A New Adjustment

It's been nice to know that when I come home every day there's someone there to greet me. It's also been a weird new experience for me, since I'm so used to being by myself every day when I get home.

I came home last night to find that my dad had unpacked most of the boxes. Does that mean that I know where everything is? No. I'm totally lost in my own home but very grateful for what they've done to try and help out.

Yesterday after work, I had to go to the grocery store. My brother specifically requested that I make mom's spaghetti. I called my mom, wrote down the recipe, and ran to the store.

The phone rings...

"Hey Jamie, it's Sam... uh... Can you get me a candy bar? Thanks!"

*Click*

I immediately thought "When did I turn into mom?"

I walked through the front door and Sam leaps off the couch, "Jamie's home!!" He hugs me and runs out the door to get the groceries.
It's been a weird adjustment for me. For 6 years I've been alone. For the last 3 or so, I've been single. I used to come home every night, change clothes, and sit around the house.

I get home now and I kick off my shoes and get into the kitchen to start cooking dinner, doing laundry, planning tomorrow's day, and everything else that's going on.

It's very weird, and I'm just not used to it yet, but hopefully as the weeks go on things will start to fall into place.

I got a text this morning from my dad letting me know how much he appreciates that I opened up my home to them. It really made me feel good, and that this move was something that was beneficial to every part of my family.

I wanted to be around my family, and by God I got that didn't I?

Day 2 (and last night)

Day 2 in Colfax, CA

Last night I get home and dad and Sam (my little brother) are waiting for me outside.

Of course I'm pissed. I wanna get home and get in my underwear.
Yesterday my dryer caught fire and I had to call out an electrician. My dad hasn't had a washer/dryer in about 10 years (seriously). He's been going to the laundromat.

Well since someone came out and fixed mine (which I acquired before I left Tucson from a friend who had extra) my dad was standing at my front door at 6pm with dirty underwear in tow.

Great.

I unlock the door and they bust in like dogs. Sam turns on the TV and my dad starts hooking up the washer dryer so he can start laundry. I looked down at the table and noticed he brought ground turkey and I knew exactly what that meant.

I kicked my shoes off and started rummaging through all my stupid crap looking for my pantry food. I finally pulled out a box of hamburger helper and started cooking.

It literally took about an hour to make. I was opening boxes in between every step and putting away dishes.
I started making Sam cook since I couldn't do both at one time.

So in one night my dad put together a washer/dryer, I cooked (partially), and put most of the kitchen away.

When we finished our shenanigans Sam yelled from the back room "I FOUND A WII WITH A BUNCH OF OLD MARIO GAMES!" And my dad immediately shot me the look of "it's on, donkey kong."

They ended up playing that stupid thing all night.

This Morning

I woke up this morning to find Olive slept in the living room. I should mention that she hasn't peed in DAYS!! I was starting to worry until this morning when I found the kitchen was completely soaked in urine.I was kind of relieved actually. She finally got it out. She ate like a king last night too as she got the leftover helper.
She's still mad at me but we're making progress. She likes that Sam has been coming over.

I drove to work this morning without a casualty.

So we're making progress.