Friday, September 29, 2017

They Leave on Monday

I have to keep telling myself that to keep sane.

My brother and I got into a huge fight and now it's just awkward. I was fined $100 because Lucas was leaving his cigarettes and beer bottles out on the porch. I asked him time after time to pick it up and he wouldn't.

So then what? I got fined. I came home super ticked off. On top of that, I got myself a soda that day. I NEVER drink soda, but for some reason I really wanted one.
I set the soda down on the table and went into the bathroom and washed my face. When I came out that asshole drank my entire soda. I didn't even have a sip of it.

His excuse? "Well you left it on the table so you were obviously done with it."

OKAY BUT IT'S NOT YOURS IS IT?

They left and went to a hotel because I couldn't put up with it anymore. My couch and furniture smelled like cigarettes, my brother wouldn't pick up after himself, and honestly Lucas is just a bad house guest. He doesn't listen to anything you ask him to do.
My mom had to go with him because Lucas is the only one who knows how to drain her stomach thing she has going on.

Of course it's like super awkward now. I apologized to my brother and he wouldn't accept my apology. He just gave me a speech about how he went to Korea for a year and fought for my life and all I cared about was trash and that I was fined. That's not all I care about but when you come and visit someone you need to act a certain way.

He just doesn't get it, so whatever. It's weird now, but I've done all I can do. I continue to make an effort to see them every night. They weirdly don't include me in anything they do anymore.

I just can't wait for them to leave so they can go get over themselves. It's just been a weird visit all around.
I didn't have any time to prepare, and then when they got here they were disrespectful.

That's the latest for now.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Quick Update

There's been lots going on recently with the family visiting.

We've been going out to eat every night, finding shopping to do, spending lots of time with the baby.

By the way, we have figured out that I am Isabel's favorite. :)

That's right! I'm the Auntie of the year!! I knew always having gum in my purse would do the trick.

Dr. Smart is doing well. We're doing well. How long until you know someone is "the one?" .... I mean I'm just asking for a friend.
He stayed the weekend with us and he got along with everyone very well. My mom loves him. He'll be back up here next weekend.

Also (secret story), I thought I was dreaming when this happened, but Dr. Smart brought it up again last night on the phone.
I was half asleep, sick as a dog this weekend. It was 3 in the morning I was crying my body hurt so bad. I was actually twitching because I was having muscle spasms. He ended up giving me some stuff to help me sleep and muscle relaxer because it was getting to be pretty bad.

Anyway - needless to say I was drugged so I didn't know if I was awake or asleep for this. Dr. Smart leaned over and said "Let's get married." 
If I remember my response correctly it was something along the lines of, "That would be groovy" and I went to sleep. 

He brought it up again last night over the phone because of how funny it was and I was like, "Hey! Dr. Smart Ass, you're the physician.. you should know better than to ask me questions like that after giving me drugs." 

We're not engaged, just a stupid little joke we have between us. 

Anyway, I had to put off meeting his family since my family decided to just drop in on me. I'm thinking of driving to his house Friday after work, and driving back Saturday morning so his family doesn't think I'm just a selfish jerk who won't make the 3 hour drive down there. They keep asking why I keep cancelling.

The first time was because my dad needed me to watch Sam over the weekend.
The second time was because my dad needed me to watch Sam over the weekend.
The third time was because my brother decided to come into town...
The fourth time (Which is coming up) will probably be my mom complaining "It's my last weekend here." But it's only one night. One very short night. His family is in town as well and I don't want to miss out on meeting them. 

It's a lovely middle I've been put in. Someone needs to compromise, it's probably gonna have to be my family. We'll be gone Friday night, but we will drive home and spend Saturday and Sunday at my house. 

Anyway, that's what is going on in my land. 

Hope to hear from you all soon!!

xoxo

Thursday, September 21, 2017

There's Good and Bad Days

I forget I have cancer sometimes until there's a bad day.

It comes out of nowhere and hits hard. Sometimes it can last for several days, sometimes a few hours.

My body hurts, I get a fever, my electrolytes are low, and I feel the need to sleep no matter what I'm doing. It makes it hard to get through the days.

This is Dr. Smarts first time seeing a bad day, and finally I may have some answers.
It feels like the flu, but you know it's not. You have a fever, but you're cold to the touch. Your joints hurt, you're tired constantly, eating is horrible.

I've contracted a viral, bacterial, and fungal infection all within the last 24 hours.

He thinks I have an autoimmune disorder onset by the cancer. My body is confused, it doesn't know what to fight.

I'm going to see a specialist in November to have a full panel of tests run.

There's good and bad to having a doctor boyfriend. Good - he listens, he notices.
Bad - He worries WAY too much. Questions every bodily function. I can't get a zit without it being a problem. "Wait don't touch that! Lemme see it. LEMME SEE IT. Okay it's fine."

"Why did you sleep for 10 hours, how are your lymph nodes?"

"Did you just cough, that sounded dry. Let me listen to your chest."

"What did you eat today? How many times did you poop? What color is your underwear?"

Stupid crap like that.

Hopefully we find out soon what's been going on. It never ends.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Mother is Coming for a Visit

Not that I'm not excited or anything, but she texted me yesterday and said she would be here today.

Then she changed her mind and she will be here on Saturday.
I'm picking up Lucas from the airport today. Both of them are staying 2+ weeks.

It's a lot to throw at me when I've lived somewhere for only a few weeks. I'm still unpacking, mind you. On top of that, my previous employer didn't give me my final paycheck (2 weeks of pay) and I'm short on funds. Don't worry I've filed a complaint with the Labor Board already.

Now I have to house a sick woman and a giant man child for a few weeks, and I just want to rip my hair out.

This weekend I spent trying to get the house ready for them. I have known about Lucas coming for a while, so I was cleaning out the guest bedroom and trying to make sure he had room to thrive in that little environment.
Then of course, Mom texted me and I had to dig out the air mattress (after I had stored it away somewhere that I couldn't remember). Dr. Smart smashed my fingers in the bed frame... that was fun. I also dislocated my hip this weekend, which was also super embarrassing. Dr. Smart had his work cut out for him.

I'm just worried it won't be everything Lucas and Mom want it to be. They aren't renting a car and I won't be home. Like ever. I have to work, and they're going to be stuck in the house with each other all day.
Then, when I get home I have to be prepared for them to want to go do stuff instead of me just relaxing on my butt after a long day at work.

Does anyone else's family do this? Am I the only one right now who is super pissed?

I feel like even if you are family, notice is required for such trips unless it is an emergency situation.

The end.

xoxo

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Spanish Day 1

Okay, let's start off with the fact that I forgot how much I love studying.

There was a reason I went to school, I knew it! I just hated my school (college) and their policies, format, whatever and I had a hard time doing the assignments.
When I can study my way it turns out WAY better.

I ended up signing up for Babbel, which is just a bunch of vocabulary words that don't make a sentence. Doesn't help right?
I also went to Barnes & Noble and picked out a book called "Language Hacking Spanish" by Benny Lewis. The guy who created the "Fluent in 3 Months" series.

I didn't want to sign up for their $100 program until I read about it a little bit.

Man, do I love it! The book is amazing, and I forgot how much Spanish I actually knew until I read the book. It's main focus is talking. Start speaking today. Make sentences, don't worry about vocab yet (I'm breaking those rules a little).

Lucky for me that Dr. Smart is half Mexican, and speaks Spanish. I had a conversation with him on the phone last night in Spanish and it felt amazing. It was good to actually sit there and speak it and have a conversation with someone.
He laughed at me a lot too. I don't get the laughing thing, calm down I'm learning. Turn it down a notch pal.

I also bought CD's to listen to in the car, that came with a book of vocabulary words as well. I made so many flash cards. Maybe too many.

I am determined to make this work. It has to work this time. I need to spend a little time each night learning vocabulary and sentence structures.
Maybe I can talk Dr. Smart into taking me to Mexico.... for practice... you know. Not vacation or anything. No way.

Anyway, the background of this post is my house. It was foggy today and I snapped a quick picture.

I hope you're all enjoying life as much as I am right now.

xoxo.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Learning Spanish

Once upon a time - In Jamie's high school days, she was required to learn Spanish in order to graduate.

What did Jamie do? Failed Spanish 3 times. Just wasn't working for me. I finally cheated on the final and got a C in the class. Graduation here I come! I'll have to square up on the cheating thing with God when I meet him on judgement day. Somehow I think he may go easy on me for that one. 

I feel like it's messed up to try and force someone to learn a language in order to graduate. For some people, it does not come naturally, like yours truly. I'm an embarrassment to Spanish speakers. I try not to even mention that I took Spanish 3 times in high school.

I suck at it.


Well, here I am, 23 and wanting to pick up the Spanish book again. Why? Well... I've always WANTED to learn, but I was never able to do it in a way where I could learn it. High school didn't have the proper setting for me. I'm more of a self paced learner. Don't push me, I won't get it. 

As you know, I started a new job recently at an Abatement company. Lots of Spanish speaking individuals work here. 60 to be exact. And guess who has a company cell phone to text them on. 
Ya, me. Google translate is NOT my friend. I've been picking up on it though..Here and there.. 
Yes, they laugh at me. Who is this white girl fumbling her way through a conversation?

I'm determined now more than ever. I have an environment where I can practice every day. Sure I'll get laughed at, but being bilingual (Especially here in CA) is a big plus. If you thought AZ was bad... you'll have to visit here. It's almost a requirement everywhere you work to be bilingual. It's not a bad thing, but like I said, sometimes languages don't come naturally to people. I have the HARDEST time. 

Lots of Native Americans up in the woods where I live as well. I guess that's why my dad moved up there. He likes it, and points things out to me all the time that are authentic. There are lots of authentic jewelry and art pieces for sale up here. 
Did I mention that I live on the same road as the Native American Burial Grounds? It's scary, but cool at the same time. There's lots of decorations all around the graves. It's actually quite beautiful, also scary, but beautiful. 

Anyway.. I'm buying a product called Fluent in 3 Months. Rosetta Stone actually has terrible reviews (believe it or not), and it's expensive. Not worth it to me. 

We'll see how I come out after 90 days.

Love Jamie

Monday, September 4, 2017

New Job, New Life, New Understanding

Last week I quit my job. 

Yup, quit. I secretly hated that job, and I didn't want anyone to know. I tried to push through, I was working long weekends and nights trying to make it work. Becoming a manager seemed like the most important thing to me in the moment, and one day I decided that it wasn't. 

My boss called me (from his 3rd vacation since I started) and said, "I don't care how late you work tonight, I want these reports done."

I had planned on leaving at 5pm that night and picking up Sam and taking him to dinner. It broke my heart. I told God, "if I'm not supposed to work here please give me a sign."
I had interviewed at one place the week before, and literally 20  minutes later my phone rang with a job interview. More money, less hours.

I sent an email out that night and left at 5pm, and quit. I didn't finish those reports and felt so much better almost immediately. 

That was last Monday, I started work on Friday. It was great, and I loved it! I knew immediately that I was meant to work there. I still have a pretty office, and it's private accounting, not public. The stress level is so much less. I love it. 

On Tuesday night I was getting ready for bed, all wrapped up in my robe... cuddling Olive like the freak I am and there was a knock at the door. It was almost midnight.

It was Dr. Smart. Of course he knew that I had a new job and what was going on, but he was super upset. 
He had diagnosed a woman with cancer that day.

It was a rude awakening for me. It was hard for me to see the other side of being diagnosed with cancer. I never once went home and thought, "The doctor is crying as much as I am today," but that was completely untrue. 
He was extremely upset and told me the entire story. It was heartbreaking for me, and I of course couldn't hold it together. 
Seeing the other side of what diagnosing someone with cancer does was rough. How do you even prep yourself to go into that room and let someone know?

There's been a lot going on over the last few weeks, and I am grateful for all the experiences. 

Tomorrow, I get to go to work... in JEANS.

Let's all appreciate that. 

XOXO

I Need Opinions (Seriously)

Help. Please. Help. Yesterday I'm working. Right? Like at my real job. My dad has been coming by recently with his business partner,...